Blackout

Stressful times always make me want to fall back on something, That happens to everyone right?
My father is in the hospital again. I admit that he too has been through some rough times but he has been sober from everything for over a year now and all he wants to do is love his grandchildren. About a month ago he was in the hospital for  pneumonia but we didn't know that, he was in isolation for a long time until they could find out what was wrong with him. It was a relief to find out it wasn't as big as we thought. Since then he hasn't felt good, tired all the time, can't stay awake, like he was on drugs again. Two days ago it got allot worse, he couldn't even move! and then his right eye went blurry, back to the hospital we went. Once again they don't know what is wrong with him, he just got done with an MRI today, we have to wait for the Dr to give us the results. It could be several things, a stroke, a blood clot, swelling in his brain or, cancer. None of these are good, all of these will make him loos his job.

I sat and watched my father break down and cry telling me "I am not done with my life, there is so much I want to do! I haven't even seen my grandson yet, what if I don't even get to hold him?"  this made me break down as well. My dad has only cried 3 times before, in front of me. He's right, he has so much to do, I need him here, I need him to teach my son things only his grandfather can teach him.

This scare also makes me want to stay as healthy as possible. I need to be here for my child. I need to stay sober, I need to keep weight off, blood pressure down, exercise often, eat only healthy things. All of this ((except the weight)) my pregnancy has forced me to do, I just need to keep it up.

I can't think too long about what is going to happen to my dad. I just can't think about it.

So please, pray, meditate, whatever it is that you do or believe in, please ask for help for my father. I need this.